The RanDoM tail of mr. tumnus

Haha! How random is this picture?! It's a good set up to how random the story is of Mr. Tumnus, the stray cat I thought I would bring home with me one night. If you know me, you know I despise cats, Meow! So, why I thought I needed to bring a yucky stray home with me is beyond my understanding. 

Having a pet is a wonderful thing. I should know, I have the greatest one eyed dog in the world, but more on that later. 

This whole Mr. Tumnus thing started one random Friday night a few weeks ago. While meandering back to my apartment late at night after a night of PBR's and random displays of my awesome dance moves, I walked past the saddest excuse of a cat. 

"Bahh!! What the hell?!" Mr. Tumnus had some creepy glowing eyes that startled me, hence the shouting and basic loathing of cats in general. 

As I paused there on the sidewalk feeling horrible for this scrappy looking over grown squirrel, I had the greatest idea that I should bring this thing home with me. 

"Mary-Ann: the Mother Theresa of lost and abandoned cats" This was the rational I was using for justifying my wanting to bring Mr. Tumnus home. Probably should have thought that one through a little better. Don't worry the damn thing denied my advance for a night cap of skim milk and I went on my way.

Fast forward to Saturday night, same situation, same location, and same foggy state-of-mind. There was Mr. Tumnus in his usual location, center of someone's drive way looking all gross and pitiful. Well, this time this cat had no choice than to come home with me and he did. I picked up the sack of bones and brought him back to my place. I decided to call big brother and ask his advice as to how to handle Mr. Tumnus. 

"Mary-Ann, get rid of the thing, what's wrong with you??"

"No, brother, you don't understand...this thing neeeeds me!"

"It's probably got rabies and you need to keep it out of your apartment, oh God, you didn't bring it inside did you?"

silence

"MA? you did, didn't you?"

silence

"Push it out the door and if you're really worried leave some damn water in a bowl outside for it."

faucet goes on, door opens, screeching cat call, door closes

"So uhhh, how's my niece?"

"You're an idiot, goodnight."

I wish I could say that was the last I saw of Mr. Tumnus and his ratty paws, but it wasn't. The thing came around for four days after that. How did it know where I lived?! 

Reason number two as to why I think cats are evil.

In the daylight I saw how gross Mr. Tumnus really was, a reoccurring theme for many areas of my life..

Mr. Tumnus would hang out on the back porch I share with my wierdo neighbor who insists on wearing combat boots and cargo pants in the middle of the FL summer. I didn't realize Nam was still going on? Any how, this moron started leaving shit out for Mr. Tumnus as well. You can imagine how much this annoyed me. I wanted to get rid of the damn thing, not keep it coming back for more empty promises!

I kind of think Combat boy was getting a little aggravated with my "save the world" project as well because he stopped leaving things out for Mr. Tumnus, too.

Eventually the most random cat in history stopped coming around. I eventually stopped feeling guilty for trying to be a cat lady and my neighbor continues to wear his combat boots, cargo pants and riding his ever-so-eco-friendly-bike everywhere.

Thus concludes the random story of Mr. Tumnus. Until the next random story!



MA

 

 Here's mr. tumnus from the lion the witch and the wardrobe. Some day when I'm actually allowed to own pets I will be naming my DOG mr. tumnus, after the cutest little faun ever.